“And in this he showed me a little thing, the quantity of a hazel nut, lying in the palm of my hand, as it seemed. And it was as round as any ball. I looked upon it with the eye of my understanding, and thought, ‘What may this be?’ And it was answered generally thus, ‘It is all that is made.’ I marveled how it might last, for I thought it might suddenly have fallen to nothing for littleness. And I was answered in my understanding: It lasts and ever shall, for God loves it. And so have all things their beginning by the love of God.

In this little thing I saw three properties. The first is that God made it. The second that God loves it. And the third, that God keeps it.”

-Julian of Norwich, Revelations of Divine Love

Matt Helm is a well known knife maker and designer from Texas. His designs are often produced in collaboration with Dauntless Manufacturing. Dauntless Manufacturing has also partnered with Wolf Forty to produce the SEAF, a knife that I own and have previously reviewed. However, knives are not the motivating factor in this write-up. This past December, Matt lost his two year old daughter, Eleanor, to RSV and Pneumonia.

I cannot tell you why little Eleanor’s death has affected me so. I don’t know Matt personally. And, I only learned of Eleanor through Matt’s Instagram posts sharing her ordeal in mid-December. But, both Eleanor and Matt’s response to her illness have stirred in me profound reflection and subsequently an immense enrichment of faith. Consequently, I want to share my thoughts on Eleanor, Matt, and the sacredness of suffering.

It is natural to wonder why God would permit such a thing. Where was He while little Eleanor was suffering in the hospital? And, not only in the hospital, but in all of her days prior as Eleanor also suffered from epilepsy? Where was He while Matt sat bedside, bible in hand, praying for improvement? For Matt and his family to then have Eleanor taken away during Christmastide, where was He? And, what terrible irony. Sadness, anger, and resentment are the natural response. While Matt may be feeling all of that now, in the midst of his daughter’s suffering he deliberately chose to responded differently. “Our burden is light,” he shared.

As a Catholic, I would argue that as Eleanor passed away, God was in the same place He was when He watched His own son die. God did not kill Eleanor, nor was God absent. You see, death is a peculiar thing. It is incompatible with God. God does not want to see us die and He would be the first to acknowledge that death is a terrible thing. And, while death is all but certain and natural to our world, it remains unnatural to us. Why might that be?

If you take a moment to ponder on the spiritual significance of the story of Adam and Eve, you will realize that we were not meant to be as intimate with God as we are now. Adam and Eve were made in the image of God. They were meant to tend to the Garden and hold dominion over the Earth. When Adam and Eve ate of the tree all of that changed. What was given to them was lost. And, they were sent out to lead lives of hardship. Experiencing death was one of many hardships. While the story of Adam and Eve is allegorical, history provides God’s answer to our sin and to our death. God’s response is to die Himself.

If it weren’t for sin, Christ would not have become one of us. In becoming human, Christ makes us more Holy. And, it is through Christ’s sacrifice that we are allowed to participate in the Holy Trinity. Despite what Adam and Eve lost, God’s offer to them is elevated in Christ. Through our suffering we are rewarded and brought closer to God. Every pain we have is Christ’s pain, and every pain of Christ is our pain.  Therefore, when you encounter suffering, you can’t just stop at saying, “What a terrible thing.” It is a terrible thing with incredible meaning.

So, let’s ask ourselves those questions again. Where was God while little Eleanor was suffering in the hospital? He was on the cross. Where was He while Matt sat bedside praying for his daughter? He too was watching His child, Jesus Christ, die. Why Christmas? What better time is there to enter our Father’s arms? You see, the death of Eleanor is the death of Christ. We die with Eleanor, Eleanor dies with Christ, and Christ dies with us.  We all die together and we wake up in our Father’s arms.

Blessed are we all to wake up as happy thieves in paradise.

I would like to ask you to pray for the Helm family. I also want to inform you that Dauntless Manufacturing is holding a raffle for Matt Helm and his family. The hope is to cover the cost of incurred medical expenses and all other related expenses for the family. the drawing is tomorrow, January 20th. There have been other knife & tool makers that have made generous material donations. These donations have been added to the prize pot. I implore you to buy a ticket.

God bless!

“There is a place called ‘heaven’ where the good here unfinished is completed; and where the stories unwritten, and the hopes unfulfilled, are continued. We may laugh together yet.”

- J. R. R. Tolkien, Letter to his son, Michael